For the last couple years, I’ve been threatening to go back and start playing FFXI.  Every time, John tries to dissuade me because… well, it’s probably the smart thing.  Recently FFXI was on sale on Steam for $5, too cheap to pass up, so I bought it (just in case… you see).  Well this past holiday weekend I had a little time on my hands, and a hankering to play (because I couldn’t get into the FFXIV beta)… so I installed.  After the requisite day of downloading, installing, & patching… I was ready to go.  I re-activated my old account (this time I remembered my information) and plopped myself back into Vana’diel.

I’ve only had a chance to play for a few minutes, but what really took me by surprise is how much of the game I remembered and/or picked up again almost immediately.  The control scheme in Final Fantasy XI is quite unique; I’ve never seen a game before or since that is even similar.  The entirety of FFXI can be played on the 10 key (num pad).  Every action including moving about, adjusting the camera, selecting targets, attacking, rest and accessing the menus… are all handled in the 10-key.  It is, obviously, very unusual, but fantastic once you learn it.  I’ll admit, I struggled for the first minute or two I was in game – I haven’t played in 4 full years – but then suddenly it clicked back in.  I was running about and menu navigating like I never left the game.

The second thing I noticed, was the fact that I didn’t need the maps.  When I first connected into the game, I found myself standing naked (well, I had a fishing pole) in the Chocobo Stables of Southern San d’Oria.  Lacking proper gear, I ran my way back to the local Mog House entrance and geared up.  When I was done, I left the mog house, checked the AH, grabbed a chocobo and started a run off to The Grand Duchy of Jueno… all without a map.  Sure, during my long run to Jueno I pulled out my map a few times, but that was to verify I was taking the most efficient path.  I realized that I really didn’t need the map, though it made things faster, and in the old days I could have done the “most efficient” path without a map, but I thought I was doing damn good.

In the end, I didn’t get to play for nearly as long as I thought I had, but it was great to be back.  I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to play, especially with the release of Final Fantasy XIV looming.  Playing FFXI was worth the nostalgia trip.  That, plus the ability to get the monthly fee on FFXI discounted with FFXIV (so I read), I will keep it around for a while.  Now I just have to find people to play with.

I’m not sure if a documentary about guys riding around the world is really something that can be spoiled (after all they are still alive, obviously didn’t die as part of it), but if you feel it could be spoiled, then be advised this will contain spoilers.

In Long Way Round, Ewan and Charlie start out in London and then drive east… all the way around the world on motorcycles. During the first part of the series they are discussing what bikes to use; Ewan wants to use BMWs, while Charlie wants KTM (a brand I knew nothing about, apparently they are an Austrian company that makes motocross/off-road bikes). Ewan acquiesces to Charlie’s request and the Long Way Round team goes and talks with KTM. KTM after learning what they are trying to do opts to NOT provide bikes to them as they think they will fail and it would look very bad for the brand. Charlie gets super pissed (which is of course part of the show), but then agrees that they should instead get BMWs. The bikes are the very beautiful BMW R1150GS Adventure.

Their is a third biker with them, Claudio, who is their cameraman and rides with them. They also have 2 SUVs filled with support personnel (including the director and a doctor). Throughout the show they encounter a variety of people and situations, the former are in general very welcoming and more often than not they ended up spending the night in someone’s house, rather than at a hotel. The situations (specifically the off-roading) do get very trying for everyone, but thanks to the technical expertise they gained before the trip, they are able to surmount all the obstacles they are presented with.

Toward the last part of the trip, they get a few other bikers joining them, forming a small gang, if you will. The last episode has some teasing about them wanting to do this again, which is what lead to the Long Way Down.

Long Way Down once more sees Ewan and Charlie on BMWs, though this time they are riding BMW R1200GS Adventures (the successor to their previous bike). This time the journey is from John O’Groats, Scotland to Cape Agulhas in South Africa.

The situations in this series were a bit more problematic, specifically, trying to organize so many border crossings (which required delays of up to 12 hours). Additionally, at the start of the series, Charlie decided “to use the ‘bomb’ word” in the airport while leaving England, which of course caused a major ruckus. Most of the crew went on without him and he was eventually released without charge. It doesn’t happen very often, but throughout this show and the last you see Charlie acting like the big time movie star, demanding various things and causing various problems (such as accidentally splashing petrol in Ewan’s eyes, repeatedly), whereas Ewan acts so congenially that he really comes off as just an incredibly nice person, a real everyman.

Partway through the journey, Ewan’s wife, Eve, meets up with them and rides with them for a bit. Her personality is similar to Ewan’s and I think she really helps us all to understand how we would react in that situation (riding for hours and spending the night in a random village by the side of the road, for instance).

In the final bit of the show, as Ewan and Charlie arrive in South Africa they are followed by a very large number of motorcycles. Some of the shots they show… you can’t see the end of the line. This is a gang of motorcycles.

In summary: 2 guys riding BMW Bikes show us an adventure. These guys did not ride alone and they did have support personnel and vehicles with them. This means it isn’t something you or I could do by ourselves. As much as Jon and I like riding our bikes (and we are fairly decent at it), we would not be able to attempt this journey. I’d say the most we could do is cross country. Personally, I’m fine with that.

Lastly, if you’d like more info about these trips, I invite you to take a look at the movies or read the books: Long Way Round and Long Way Down.

(Note: Added to Category: Stupid Companies, because KTM lost out on a lot of business and publicity when they shot down Ewan and Charlie)

Of the three books I looked at, Chobits was the closest I came to actually buying.  In Borders it is $24.99, on Amazon it is $17.99.  I have a hard time overlooking $7, especially when the brick and mortar is going to add tax, which would make the different over $9.  I wasn’t sure if I wanted the book, which is what actually stopped me from buying that particular item.  The next two books… were much more clear cut.

Next on the list is The Official Ubuntu Server Book.  In Borders it is $39.99, but only $26.39 on Amazon.  A $13 difference (Plus Tax) is just not even close.  After flipping through this book, I decided it was actually quite nice and rather wanted to buy it.  So I purchased it from Amazon right there in Borders, using my Amazon Android application. The book will be here shortly.

Last was the LPI Linux Certification in a Nutshell book.  In Borders it is a tech-book typical $49.99.  Demonstrating that it just isn’t financially feasible to use brick and mortar stores is Amazon with a price tag of just $31.49 which is an $18.50 difference (not including tax).  I realize that the $49.99 value is list price, but how can any consumer seriously consider spending 60% more on one single book, just to buy it in store.  Sure, if you absolutely, positively MUST have the book right that second, you’ve got no choice.  If I had any option whatsoever, I’d Amazon it.  $3.99 for overnight shipping is still much, much cheaper.

Yes, I like to be able to pick up the books and flip through them before I buy them.  Yes, I like to just browse the shelves of a bookstore.  But no, I will not pay a $39.10 premium to do so.  That is enough to go and buy a copy of Ubuntu: Up and Running: A Power User’s Desktop Guide AND the Ubuntu Pocket Reference Guide AND still have $6.00 left to buy a coffee at Starbucks.  Sorry, Borders loses.

Gun and Tits, a simple recipe for a happy Jon

Last month I was linked the Tortucam video on YouTube, which was totally awesome.  It’s a turtle running about which some kick ass background music.  Makes me which I was a Turtle too.  I liked the music so much, I went and found it on Amazon.  The part that really confused me was that it was labeled “Manga Soundtrack”.  I wasn’t sure why a manga needed a soundtrack, but the music was kick’n enough to warrant investigation.  After reading the manga, I’m pleased that I did.

After a quick Google, I found the Tokyo Pop page for the books, which actually lets you read the manga online.  The interface sucks terribly, but the fact that you can leaf through the first 9 chapters (which is the first entire book) online, is really cool.  Of course, I thought the manga was quite good, worthy of buying.  The story line revolves around two assassins and the hijinks they get in to.  See, in this world, being an assassin is a legitimate job (kind like repo men), all you need is a license.  Mostly the books are damn hilarious with the artist having a ton of fun with text/arrows on Doyle’s (the main characters) shirts.

After reading Volume 1 I wandered down to my local Amazon outlet and picked it up (supporting the creator and all that) along with Volume 2.  The second volume didn’t let me down either, and I rather look forward to more of this series (I hope there is more at least).  After finishing the reading, I discovered something new…

That something new is “iManga”.  Basically they take the Manga and make it animated-ish.  You can check out Riding Shotgun iManaga #1 for yourself (Full playlist) to see what I mean.  After the iManga, the logic of having a “Riding Shotgun Soundtrack“… a soundtrack for a BOOK …. suddenly made so much more sense.  Of course, my uber favorite song, “Round Round“, makes its appearance in iManga #1 at about the 1:40 mark.

Gungrave is about the same length as Trigun (approximately 650 minutes), so it is a fairly quick watch. Overall I found it quite amusing, except for one little thing….

There will be some minor generic spoilers with relation to the story progression, though nothing terribly specific.

The story opens with the character on the cover of the DVD (“Beyond the Grave”) saving a girl and a scientist defeat some zombies. Then we get some backstory, and then a whole bunch more backstory. In fact we actually rewind several years and find out how we got where we are today for about half the series. During this, I found myself forgetting about the first sequence of the anime, that is until we find the first zombie (corpses that have been “necrolized” and are actually referred to as “ordmen); then I remembered that we were actually in a flashback and wondered how we were going to get back to where the show started.

I really enjoyed the “flashback” portion of the anime. The story was fairly well done though the protagonist was occasionally annoyingly terse. Once we got back to the main event, lots more death and destruction occurs. Which brings me to the part I didn’t like… the girl, Mika Asagi, is supremely annoying. I realize as the watcher I have more information than her, but she just continues to ask these idiotic questions and makes ludicrous suggestions/demands that make me want very badly for someone to shoot her, repeatedly, in the trachea.

Other than the incredibly annoying chick, this anime was quite enjoyable and I would recommend it to others. One big difference from Trigun: lack of humor, though if it had been inserted I don’t know that it would have held its air of despair as well as it did.

Cosplay of Yoko from Gurren Lagann, taken at Fanimecon 2010. Copyright Richard Tom.

This weekend I spent some of my free time watching Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, or more simply Gurren Lagann.  This is by no means a new series (it has been out since 2007) I just never got around to watching it.  I had heard mixed reviews about it, especially around the character of Yoko.  Anyways, after seeing Yoko done well in cosplay, I thought I should endeavor to see such as a fantastic series.

Now that I’ve finished watching it, I figured I’d share my thoughts.  NO SPOILERS

Yoko's "Space" costume. I approve!

Overall, this series is over the top and a bit… nuts. I tend not to be a fan of that totally over the top style of anime, so the first episode or two I wasn’t too sure about it.  As the episodes continued the “over the top” bits weren’t so over the top as to turn me off, and actually turned out to be quite fun.

I found Gurren Lagann, as a series, quite surprising.  They went directions and did things I wasn’t quite expecting, and are fairly unusual for a “feel good” series.  I won’t spoil whom, but they kill off a character fairly early on in the story, which I really did not expect.  In a lot of animes, a death of a character would be cause for those close to them to angst for practically the rest of the series.  In Lagann, they lightly angsted over the death for the next episode and a half.  But the end of that second episode, they got their act together and pushed on.  There were other bad things that happened, but basically no one sat about angsting for any amount of time, except for Rossiu (whom I didn’t like anyways).

As for the accusations that Yoko (pictured several times now) is a problem in the series, I disagree.  She plays a love interest, on occasion, to give the series a little more diversity other than just continuous awesome.  In reality, even though I’ve posted multiple pictures of her and she’s one of the “core” characters of the Gurren Brigade (as they call themselves), she doesn’t actually get all that much screen time.  Seeing as how she is the advertising tits to get you to watch the series (hey, it worked on me), I thought she’d play a bigger part.  I didn’t find her personality or the way she acted particularly annoying, and would have liked to see more of her, but alas it was not to be.

The length and speed of the series was great.  It was 27 episodes, which is an unusual number of episodes, but that really didn’t matter.  Basically, each episode they powered through the enemies or challenges they had.  Rarely did the series spend more than 2 episodes in one particular area.  The series is about the good guys winning, kicking ass, and being awesome.  The director realized they didn’t need to spend 3 episodes on every demi-boss fight to illustrate how awesome our protagonists are.  Thank you kami-sama.  Not to say I wouldn’t like to have seen a little more of the series, because I enjoyed it so much, but they wrapped the series up nicely and tied a bow on it even.  When it ended, it left me with the feeling of “Ahh, that was good… and now it is done”.  No strings left dangling, no loose ends, just complete.

Kamina, Simon and Yoko

It should be obvious by now, that I highly recommend watching Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.  If I wasn’t, I would have included spoilers.  Let’s just say that the journey of Simon The Digger and his pig-mole, Boota (who is a critical component in the series), is a fun and worthwhile watch.  It might be crazy and over the top, but soon that becomes part of the hilarious good time of Gurren Lagann.

There will be minor spoilers, but nothing terrible unpredictable.

The film starts with people falling out of the sky and parachutes deploying in order to see them (more or less) safely to the ground. We gradually meet the full lineup of characters and find out more about all of them. Basically, everyone is armed (from a Shiv to a Minigun) and trying to figure out just what is going on, and it takes them a little while to figure out that they are in fact on another planet. The hero is played by Adrien Brody and he is packing an AA-12 with a Drum Magazine. The first guy he meets is a Mexican (played by Danny Trejo) carrying a pair of pistols and SMGs (MP5s IIRC). They are interrupted by a Russian with the aforementioned minigun. While they are talking, the woman of the film shows up with a sniper rifle pointed at them. Then they wander over and meet someone who was on the FBI’s most wanted list (complete with orange jump suit and shiv) and a member of the RUF (who gets an AK-47). Finally, they find Topher Grace in what appears to be yet another role he really shouldn’t have. Seriously, which genius thought he would have been a good Eddie Brock/Venom in Spider-man 3? This time he is a doctor and only has a scalpel with him.
Anyway, eventually they meet up with a member of the Yakuza (complete with pistol), and that completes our merry band of adventurers.

There are numerous homages to the previous films. Including Brody getting covered in mud and shouting “Kill me! Kill me now!” Also, at one point it looked like one of the corpses that the group came across had had an Alien inside him, specifically, it looks like something had burst out of his chest, rather than someone caving it in to rip out his heart. In Predator 2, when Danny Glover goes onto their ship, we see an Alien skull mounted near the rest of the trophies, so maybe this was their subtler way of showing off that relationship, as the killing of an Alien (and taking a trophy) was the highest honor in the Predator society (or so the comics have shown).

After playing the demo (back when I thought it came out in September), I considered canceling my pre-order. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy the demo (I certainly did), but it didn’t seem like it was worth paying the $60 Day 1 price. That was back then. This is now. I’m still not sure if it is worth $60, but it is a ton of fun. Oh and Amazon had a pre-order bonus that I had long since forgotten about until they emailed me: codes for 4 more sets of armor (“Xbox Agent” – Green, Gold, Black, and Gunmetal – which looks almost identical to the light grey suit).

The game starts out with an amusing video detailing what’s been happening in the last 10 years (the time that elapsed between the first game and this one). Basically, “freaks” have overrun the city and The Agency is only now getting the the Agent Program back up and running (the cloning facilities were destroyed during the intervening 10 years). You start out on Agency Island and they have you run through a training program to acclimate yourself with the basic controls, and then they have you hop into an Agency Cruiser (the most basic vehicle) and they lift you out of there via helicopter and give you an amazing flyby of Hope Springs, the starting area/island (which you were able to explore in the demo).

You get dropped off in the same place that you started in the demo, right outside a Cell stronghold. You need to capture this location and one nearby and that gives you your first resupply point. Veterans of Crackdown will recall that you need to bring collected weapons and vehicles to the resupply points in order to store them. Crackdown 2 has made the storing of vehicles much easier, as all the resupply points are on the ground (this is likely due to the resupply points offering vehicle drops as well as weapon drops). As was the case in the first game, your enemies (more on them in a second), at least the human ones, have the best weapons in the game. Right after I got to a sufficient Firearm Skill level to equip the Agency Machine Gun, I found an enemy Machine Gun that was much better, which of course has no level requirement, so when Jon gets started I will be able to hook him up with that weapon right away.

Enemies are everywhere! In the previous game you were dealing with a gang war, however this time you have only 2 enemies: Cell (human group that dislikes the Agency) and “Freaks”. “Freaks” are the enemy of everyone and will attack anyone who isn’t a freak. They come in various sizes and colors and I recently ran into some that are absolutely massive (forget the bullets, you need explosives for these guys), though on the plus side they only seem to appear while attempting to detonate beacons. Cell also comes in various sizes and colors, from the guys packing beginner assault rifles and shotguns (both of which are better than your starter gear, so store them immediately) to armored (actual armor, as in they look like they have steel belted to them) guys carrying turreted weapons. Bullets aren’t really a problem for your Agent; explosives are though. As you progress through the game, more and more Cell warriors are carrying explosive weaponry – rocket launchers, grenade launchers, flocket launchers (I don’t know what a flocket is, but they are launched explosively), and homing launchers (which is like the firefly in the first game).

The Agility and Hidden orbs are back, but they aren’t alone. New this time are the following:

• LIVE Orbs – Orbs that you can only get if you are playing Co-Op and have someone nearby.
• Renegade Agility Orbs – Orbs that run away from you. Difficult to catch, and some require higher levels of Agility to even attempt, fortunately the game tells you when this is the case.
• Renegade Driving Orbs – Orbs that run away from you, but you can only catch in a vehicle. If you are like me, Driving is the skill you neglect, so this would be a good way to get it built up.
• Audio Logs – Backstory information. There are 5 different kinds of Audio Logs:
  1. PCNN – Following news reporter Chris Stroker as he details the fall of Pacific City
  2. Freak – Following the reports of someone studying the freaks, provides intel on the danger level of the various creatures
  3. Surveillance
  4. Catalina Thorne – Head of Cell; so far seem to be gloating
  5. Whistleblower – Someone feeding info to Catalina Thorne

All in all, this is a very fun game and I highly recommend it. If you find the price of admission a bit high, head over to a redbox and rent it for a day or two, it is definitely worth it.

Oh, my God. You’re a wicked-cool covert operative masquerading as a sex-toy tycoon?

Yes.  Just brilliant…  but I will give you more reasons not to watch this movie.  As I hope you never see it, I’m going to explain how the movie ends (several times) and generally give away plot points.  So without further adieu… Warning: Spoilers and strong language (as the title of the “film” portends)

Bitch Slap is a B quality movie (at best) that revolves around three buxom ladies:  Hel (Played by Erin Cummings), Trixie (Played by Julia Voth) and Camero (Played by America Olivo).  Yes, they are all hot, yes this movie covers that aspect repeatedly, yes, they are all lesbians and yes, the movie covers that repeatedly also.  There are also numerous other female characters, but really only 3 male characters.  Cage, who gets shot in the head by Camero.  “Phoenix”, better known as Hercules or Kevin Sorbo, who shows up as some secret agent dude (and apparently dies at some point).  Lastly, the Deputy, who ends up dead (repeatedly).

One of the first things I noticed in this movie is that large portions of it are essentially soft-core porn, sans porn.  No one actually gets naked, but that doesn’t stop them from getting it on and ripping away their already tiny outfits.  The second bit is that the camera works is only good in said soft-core porn scenes, or any time basically they are trying to be seductive/sexy (see also water fight scene).  The rest of the time, the camera work sucks – and don’t get me started on their terribly shitty blue/green screening.  I’ve seen film school student demo reels that have had much more convincing blue screening.

The next issue is the story line.  It is… so screwed up and contrived I’m not even sure if I can describe it.  Basically these 3 chicks are trying to find 200 mil in diamonds.  Camero is just in it for the money, but she’s a junkie who is tweaking the hell out.  Hel turns out to be the “wicked-cool covert operative masquerading as a sex-toy tycoon” which is basically played to be a female James Bond – all the way down to the “down barrel” camera shot.  She’s not in it for the money but to recover some weapon, and happens to work for Hercules.  Trixi, who plays all helpless and useless (and gets it on with Hel) turns out to be “Pinky”, a notorious figure in the underground whom no one has ever seen because she’s so bad ass she kills EVERYONE.  She also apparently keeps throwing stars in her vagina.  I wish I were making this up, but she puts her hands in her crotch and pulls a throwing start out from… well… nowhere.  Due to the camera angle… you know exactly where her hands are going because why would they miss that great soft-core porn moment.  Turns out Trixi/Pinky actually orchestrated this entire “event” because Cage stole her “Naginata“.  Except that what she recovers is a Katana – not anywhere REMOTELY the same as a Naginata.

So the entire movie is about getting a sword back.  Okay…  That makes just about as much sense as anything else in this movie.  After all, a number of scenes and characters are homages of Kill Bill, and isn’t one of Uma Thurman’s big deals in the movie to get the good sword? Really though, you know the writers didn’t put a lot of work into this script because the dialogue is ATROCIOUS.  I’m… at a loss for words to explain how bad… so how about some examples:

I’m gonna booty-bang bitch slap your fucking ass until you’re just this side of salvage. Then I’m gonna ram-ride girly’s show tits asunder before I plow both of you bitches under!

Lube my boob skank twat.

… you’re decent and pure, and I love you. Now why don’t we tie a knot, bump uglies, and ride the pork bus to Tuna City?

Ram *this* in your clam bake, bitch cake!

That last line… that’s a particular favorite of mine. It just goes up to an entire new level of “This is a massive failure of a movie”.  Add on to that the fact that I was surprised the movie was only 1 hr 44mn long!  By the end it had dragged on for way too long, with multiple “endings”, I fully expected it to have been at least 2.5 hours.  In the end, the only reason to watch this movie is if chicks beating the living daylights out of everyone and each other really kicks your ticker into high gear.  Otherwise, please, save yourself 2 hours and watch the Discovery Channel instead.  That way you won’t feel like your brain cells have been burned out by a massive dose of “stupid”.